Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
