Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
vagina is talking i cant
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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