I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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