My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she told me i tasted like america
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
