i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
