coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
