I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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