We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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