...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
