pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
