Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
