You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
