she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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