Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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