I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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