Having a random hookup so left but love u
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
