bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
