if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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