Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
