Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
