well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
