Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
