Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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