have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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