Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
