There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
