when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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