so let's talk penis.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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