Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
