he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
