so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up under a house in Key West
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
