Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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