I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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