normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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