Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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