I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
