When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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