my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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