i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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