Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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