Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
