discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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