I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
