So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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