he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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