i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
