I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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