and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
