halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
