She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
